When Phil got sick, life got harder. He was so much fun at one time and people now.. including him don't get to enjoy that man I knew before the heart attacks. I miss him, we miss him. But I should go back farther...
Before we moved to NM before the Corporate Hog Farm before kids. I met this great guy whom I fell immediately for. How could I not he was sweet and shy and so talented it was crazy, oh and did I mention he was from LA ya that tipped the scale for me I was ready to get out of NM. He was kind of a rock star. He played all over LA and played alongside bands like Guns'n Roses and Motley Crew as they were coming up the LA scene. I was smitten, and he was tired of the music business already. So my Rock Star quit and we moved on to NM together after a year stop in Northern Cali and a year stop in Houston TX the latter for which brought us a beautiful daughter and me a different outlook on life. All this quick history brings us back to NM where I meant to go with this.
In NM we raised 3 girls and had a pretty good life. Phil did not care much for farm life but moving there was his idea. Remember, I wanted the city. That being said it was great for the girls and for our family, he loved his girls, played with them, laughed, joked, teased, then one day it just stopped. That was replaced with anger, depression, and misery. It was an adjustment for us all even him.
The girls are nearly raised now, and it's time for my dreams to see light again, problem is somewhere along this road I didn't just lose my husband, I lost me. Who am I, what do I want, what are my dreams, where will they take me? Is it ok for me to want more? Recently I've begun this journey to discover what God wants for my life. So far I've felt excitment and defeat. I was afraid to tell anyone about my dream of working at Disney or about feeling like I am supposed to move to Florida. I was afraid to verbalize it for fear it would not work out and people would laugh at me. So far I've had lots of supporters, lots of people cheering me on, and a few people saying I'll never go I'll just talk about it, that hurts...it might be true... but it still hurts to think people think so little of my dreams or have so little faith in my abilities. I'm not gone yet... so maybe they are right. Maybe I don't get to go... or maybe it's not time for me to... maybe I'm doing exactly what Brad Ingram talked about at church this weekend maybe I am disqualifying myself before anyone can do it for me...
I've felt defeated by life today.... Felt like giving up on all my dreams... So apparently today it's very cloudy.... Hopefully tomorrow will be Sunny Side Up.
Before we moved to NM before the Corporate Hog Farm before kids. I met this great guy whom I fell immediately for. How could I not he was sweet and shy and so talented it was crazy, oh and did I mention he was from LA ya that tipped the scale for me I was ready to get out of NM. He was kind of a rock star. He played all over LA and played alongside bands like Guns'n Roses and Motley Crew as they were coming up the LA scene. I was smitten, and he was tired of the music business already. So my Rock Star quit and we moved on to NM together after a year stop in Northern Cali and a year stop in Houston TX the latter for which brought us a beautiful daughter and me a different outlook on life. All this quick history brings us back to NM where I meant to go with this.
In NM we raised 3 girls and had a pretty good life. Phil did not care much for farm life but moving there was his idea. Remember, I wanted the city. That being said it was great for the girls and for our family, he loved his girls, played with them, laughed, joked, teased, then one day it just stopped. That was replaced with anger, depression, and misery. It was an adjustment for us all even him.
The girls are nearly raised now, and it's time for my dreams to see light again, problem is somewhere along this road I didn't just lose my husband, I lost me. Who am I, what do I want, what are my dreams, where will they take me? Is it ok for me to want more? Recently I've begun this journey to discover what God wants for my life. So far I've felt excitment and defeat. I was afraid to tell anyone about my dream of working at Disney or about feeling like I am supposed to move to Florida. I was afraid to verbalize it for fear it would not work out and people would laugh at me. So far I've had lots of supporters, lots of people cheering me on, and a few people saying I'll never go I'll just talk about it, that hurts...it might be true... but it still hurts to think people think so little of my dreams or have so little faith in my abilities. I'm not gone yet... so maybe they are right. Maybe I don't get to go... or maybe it's not time for me to... maybe I'm doing exactly what Brad Ingram talked about at church this weekend maybe I am disqualifying myself before anyone can do it for me...
I've felt defeated by life today.... Felt like giving up on all my dreams... So apparently today it's very cloudy.... Hopefully tomorrow will be Sunny Side Up.
I'll keep praying for you! Your dreams WILL come true! Hold the faith my friend =)
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